Have you ever thought to yourself: “What does a successful person look like?” I find myself asking that question a lot lately. Do they have money? Power? Happiness? And after I have pondered for a certain period of time, I start comparing myself to my self-inflicted standards of success. This article comes after my post about imposter syndrome so I hope you guys don’t think I’m in some deep, dark hole of depression (the hole is relatively shallow and I prefer the term “dim”). I’m just wondering if people ever feel closer to success or consider themselves to be successful.
It feels like I’m chasing down a fairy tale.
Let me try to unpack this statement. My family lives modestly and my mother is always assuring me and my sisters that we don’t need flashy jobs as long as we get by. Coming from an Asian family, that’s pretty progressive. Still, I can’t help but feel like success is just a fairy tale. If I had to describe how I think a successful version of myself would spend their day, it would sound something like this:
I wake up at 8AM, no alarm clock needed. I make myself a delicious, hearty breakfast and put on a bit of makeup before getting to work (probably running this blog while working on music). Lunch break: delicious and hearty. Call it a day around 5PM. Go get some exercise and maybe hang out with my tight-knit group of friends. Dinner: DELICIOUS. HEARTY. Chill out by watching YouTube, crocheting a blanket, or reading. Brush my teeth. Shower. Bedtime at midnight: a nice, refreshing sleep.
Sounds boring, right? I don’t value material items much (unless you count the coffee mug collection I want to own someday). I value peace of mind the most. Sometimes I see people who are healthy and have jobs, friends, and relationships and wonder whether there’s still a part of them that is dying on the inside. So maybe the ideal image of success I described above isn’t perfect after all. I didn’t even mention that I tend to get bored with routine and that this schedule would probably be out the window within a week.
Maybe there’s a reason why success is not easy to define.
My family have given me much advice over the years regarding the kind of life I should strive for. At one time my sister had advised me to shoot for stars and to never stop aiming higher. Promotions on top of promotions, Bachelors to Masters to Ph.Ds, that was the route my sister wanted to follow. That was until one of her professors gave her a different perspective. He had everything she had hoped to achieve for herself. Despite this, he still walked away from his fancy job and began teaching as a professor at a college. He felt like he didn’t have time for himself and that his whole life revolved around business. From the way my sister put it, he was miserable.
I am not judging anyone who chooses to live, eat, and breathe business. I am also not judging those who choose to live modestly and are happy working at their local retail store. But if I admit that I want a career (or anything at all in my life) that makes me happy without feeling like there’s some strings attached, would that be unreasonable?
I want the goals I set for myself to make me feel like a better person. I want to know what it’s like to be successful and for once stop feeling like I’m running in place. One of my biggest fears is that the feeling never goes away, not even a bit.
Some people, like myself, believe that there is a song for every occasion. The Korean title of this song translates to “Perhaps I’m gradually becoming an adult.”
Though I’m breathing
– Agust D, 28 (ft. NiiHWA)
It feels like my heart has been broken.
Yeah, I’m becoming an adult who just finds it burdensome to hold on to a dream
I’m becoming an adult…
Video belongs to Big Hit Music.