Here’s the situation: I am trying to transfer into SFU’s music program and in order to do that, I have to send an application. At least I don’t have to audition or something. Thought I was doing great, answering questions about how I became interested in music and my inspirations (I have a tendency to ramble, so I had to cut a lot of my answers down). And then I got to the final part of the application:
“Include one (or more) links to samples of your music (i.e. Soundcloud, YouTube, Vimeo). This can include collaborations with others (please add a note indicating participants’ roles in the case of collaborations). You may also include written music if you have some.“
To be honest, I got nothing. Other than a song I made for an assignment last semester, I have no portfolio of original music to present.
A composer without compositions?
Let’s see. What experience do I have writing music? I tried to write a song when I was five, then again when I was fifteen, and I wrote a song in French for a Social Studies assignment. Of course, I wouldn’t be surprised if non-musicians have the same amount of experience. Maybe I should have become a lyricist?
I have also worked with Logic, but those compositions are embarrassingly bad. They sound incredibly bland and straight-up robotic. Actually, a robot could probably have made something better. Behold the blasphemy:
You see now what I have to work with? It sounds like a cheap version of that sad commercial music you can find on GarageBand. It’s hard to work on music when it doesn’t seem like I have any innate talent. All I have is my burning passion. I’m working on making songs that sound less robotic, but it’s not easy. I haven’t improved much since I made this in the twelfth grade.
I never thought this would happen, but having to build this music portfolio is taking the enjoyment out of music for me. Whenever I listen to songs, I feel guilty. I would rather judge other people’s songs instead of making my own. I might as well pursue a career as a music critic. It frustrates me that I know what I like, I can articulate what I like about it, but I don’t have the skills to create it for myself.
In order to build my music portfolio, I need a plan.
Currently, I’m relying on writing lyrics. I mean, how am I supposed to compose a song if I don’t know what the song is about? After all, one of my other passions besides music is creative writing. I can’t be that bad, right?
Another option I am also considering is making improvements to the songs I made in twelfth grade. Instead of using Logic, I use BandLab. I like it because I don’t need to install anything (not sponsored). Not gonna lie though, I’m pretty mediocre at using it. I swear, I will enrol myself in a university-level music production course someday. Is there even a way to fix those songs after all of these years? I cringe just listening to them. At this rate, my best bet is to whip out the ol’ guitar and compose a melody that way.
I feel like I shouldn’t sweat it much. I’m hoping I’ll come up with something presentable and not cringe-worthy. This song has been comforting me recently. It’s the first song I ever checked out by Oh My Girl because I heard the lyrics were very touching.
Inside me, I have a precious place only for me
The landscape is nothing special yet
If you wait for a while you’ll meet it
Inside this, I planted something cool and amazing
You can’t see anything yet
But if you wait for a while you’ll know it
My secret garden
– Oh My Girl, Secret Garden
Video belongs to WM Entertainment.